Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Becoming Dana.

As some readers may or may not know, I, perhaps famously by now, ate a peanut off a bus seat last fall. To my defense, it's not like I found a peanut on the seat and thought, "Man, I'm famished, that sure looks good!" Rather, I was eating a bag of peanuts myself when one slipped from my fingers and onto what may or may not have been my lap. I quickly snatched it up and ate it to my friends' horror! Also, in my defense, no one can be certain that peanut wasn't in fact in my lap and not on the bus seat as is alleged. Perhaps if I had thought about it for another few seconds I wouldn't have eaten the peanut, but I really don't think it's the worst thing in the world.

A few months later, I was on a plane to the Bahamas with Tanya. I had a bag of carrots with me. When we landed in the Bahamas I offered her one. She sneered at me, "Ew, those things have been in your bag all day?" To which I replied, "So? They're carrots. They don't spoil." I then proceeded to explain to her about the peanut ("but it was MY nut" became my battle cry). Mockery ensued at my expense.

I have enough analities, I don't need one more (Note: "analities" may or may not be a real word, but in my Blogdom I demand everyone suspend disbelief and accept any word I use).

Later that evening we found ourselves playing Connect 4 - the Breezes community Connect 4, which, admittedly, has probably seen a lot of people's hands. We were a little drinkie and yada yada yada, I ended up winning the game and shoving a handful of Connect 4 pieces in my mouth in celebration of my win and to show Tanya that germs are nothing of which to be afraid. Again, if I had thought about it for another second, perhaps I wouldn't have proven my point in this way, but it happened. She was, understandably, disgusted, as was everyone else that eventually heard. It's not like anyone's going to catch Typhoid Fever from some Connect 4 pieces or some old carrots (although you might get it from going into the Argentine jungle without a vaccination; you also might get yellow fever or malaria).

So all that background was meant to show that I am far from being a germaphobe. But germaphobia is creeping up on me having been in NYC for the past few weeks. I've started washing my hands when I get to work or get home - that doesn't seem too crazy? I also started washing the tops of soda cans before I drink them - also doesn't seem too crazy? But I'm starting to ponder how far this obsession is going to go.

Yesterday, I was on the subway and this guy had the most vile cough and he hacked right on me (compare this to the guy who nearly spit on me in DC or the guy who ashed on me this morning). I sat there holding my breath as long as I could until the germs settled, or at least until they had infected someone else first, possibly losing potency.

I also often now find myself on the subway thinking, "Why is this person standing so close to me?" I'm not afraid of holding the hand rails, although today, I did have to do the subway surf technique because I couldn't find a handrail. And when I do have to use a hand to hang on I do try to quarantine it until it can be appropriately sanitized. But that just makes good sense.

This is also a good time to say that New Yorkers are crazy. Yesterday, I went to step onto a subway and then realized, "no way, not gonna fit." But before I could back it up some tiny little woman behind me was shoving her way and everything in her wake (i.e., me) into the subway. No exaggeration - I was literally lifted up by my arms, feet dangling, and was propelled into the subway. Everyone was looking around, sneering at me, like I was doing this! It's ok though because once we got on the subway some guy lifted up his arm and "accidentally" hit her in the head with his elbow. He apologized but I wanted to lean over and say, "It's ok - she was the one pushing." I didn't obviously, because I'm not crazy, but I gave him a knowing glance that his "accident" was cool with me.

There's also this little old man that waits for the 8:02 train from RVC with me. He looks so innocent. He looks just like the kind of little old man I would give up my seat for, but I wouldn't now (ok, I probably still would just because he looks so feeble, but I would do so begrudgingly). He waits and then pounces. He's always the first one on the train. He knows the precise location the door will open. On Monday, I saw him talking to a much less aggressive train boarder and I thought, "ah, today's the day, she's gonna bring him down and he won't be the first one on." But alas, he quickly ditched the woman when the train pulled up and stepped right up, nearly knocking me out of his way. (I have a suspicion that the train conductor is actually lining up the train doors with him and not the other way around). One of these days I'll beat him. Oh, no, no, not literally "beat him," beat him as in beat him onto the train - but that's really neither here nor there.

I also think New Yorkers are crazy because they will walk out into the street long before the light has changed, practically into oncoming traffic, in anticipation of the light changing. It's insanity, but I can dig that, at least its productive. Ever walk through Times Square after 5pm? You have to walk in the street to avoid the crowds. I had to run to keep up with my brother the other day. I also used to think NYC was way too fast paced, but I think I can hang with that too being that in DC most of my frustration was at the slow pace of commuters. (Although I delighted in my 10 minute commute...sigh).

So all that was to basically get to the point that this place isn't so crazy after all. Oh, but I fear losing my mind to germs and germaphobia.


Next up: maybe some pictures from Argentina and some discussion of the trip?