Top Moments from the Weekend

This past weekend I went up to Long Island for Olivia's (my niece and goddaughter) 2nd birthday party. Some of the highlights of the weekend, in no particular order, were:

1. My brother's friend Cliff's wife trying to set me up with "Cousin Gabe" who lives in DC. "He 24, I think, and unemployed, that's not a problem, is it? Oh and he's Jewish too" [to which I responded, that's ok, last week I went out with a red sox fan - it's not any worse than that].

2. My cousin Mark telling me he doesn't have anyone to set me up with because "all the single people I know are losers - oh wait, that came out wrong - you're not a loser - oh crap, I realize how bad that sounded now."

3. My brother Mike looking over Olivia's shoulder at the card I got her and saying "Who's that on the card? [pause] Looks like poo - I mean, Winnie the Pooh."

4. So I took the bus up to Penn Station and met up with Mike and Katie to take the LIRR out to LI so we could all get picked up together. I was there about 20 minutes before them, so I went to the LIRR bar, Tracks, and had a beer [very depressing bar]. Then Mike called to say they were leaving the concert, but had to run down to Katie's office before they head to LIRR. He then phones back and says why don't I come with them to Katie's office. I head upstairs to meet them and Mike runs over to me and says, "We couldn't get a cab, but you're gonna love this." To my surprise, they had hired a pedi cab to bike us to Katie's office and back. Pedi-cabs are apparently only meant for 2 people in nice weather. We had 3 people, plus my 2 bags and a bag full of toys.. . . in the rain.

5. Convincing my parents that it wasn't time to set the clocks back. My proof was threefold: 1) my planner says it's next week [dad's calendar said this week - so that failed]; 2) people have been talking about it and they said it was next weekend; 3) cousin Jen didn't send out her daylight savings time reminder [what more do you need?]. My mom's proof was a "headline" in the paper that to her indicated we should set the clocks back. To me, and probably everyone else reading the paper, it was an advertisement for the Bahamas. They finally conceded when the Today show said it was 9:01 [not 8:01 am].

6. My mom asking me how much money it would take to get me to go to work not wrinkled [to which I responded, "A flat screen tv"].

7. Literally two minutes after commenting on the wrinkles in my clothes, my mom telling me how nice I look lately (!).

[As an aside, without fail, my mom will always comment on three things: 1) wrinkles in my clothes - it's the weekend mom, and i just drove/bussed/flew/trained 300 miles to be here, they're supposed to be wrinkled; 2) my hair - it looks good/bad or i like it long/straight/short/wavy/up/down or simply "that way"; 3) my lack of makeup - "you need more color on your cheeks" - to this day my mom is the only person that would tell me I look good with some color on my cheeks after I've gotten 2nd degree sunburn.]

8. The drunk guy in Penn Station who was fascinated with Katie's bag of toys - "how much you want for those," "I've got a nephew," "That's a lot of toys, you don't have that many kids."

9. Katie opening up her iced tea and the drunk guy saying, with his eyes at half mast, "datlookslikepeeee...."

Thank you! Good night! Remember to tip your waitresses!