Dana vs. The Fudge [Part One]

I was in Chicago for Labor Day weekend and one of Cousin Jen's friends had fudge, which had been mailed to him by his mom, who had taken the care to make him fresh homemade fudge and pack each piece individually and send to him. [Moms, take note - care packages are always welcome!]

"Fudge! That's a great idea. I should make fudge." I thought to myself.

I went online and researched recipes. I happen to be chatting with Cousin Chris that day and I informed him of my day's plans, "I plan on making fudge today," I excitedly told him. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: i'm making fudge today!!!
Him: have you ever made fudge before?
Me: no, but how hard can it be?!
Him: fudge can be very sensitive
Me: sensitive? how?
Him: you should talk to ev, he's the expert
Me: how hard can it be?
Him: well, for starters you need a candy thermometer
Me: ev has a candy thermometer?
Him: and you'll need weird ingredients, like powdered milk. its definitely gonna come out like shit.
Me: [undeterred] thanks!! take care! :)

"That's ridiculous," I thought. Maybe Ev was using a more complicated recipe, but I found a "Fun and Easy" recipe and it doesn't mention anything about a thermometer or powdered milk.

Despite Chris' repeated attempts to dissuade me, I was steadfast and hastily set about on my mission.

Step 1: Mix condensed milk, sugar, and cocoa, heat until melted. To my surprise, and despite my past failures at melting chocolate, I actually got it all melted to a smooth consistency. "That Chris! This is so easy," I laughed to myself.

Step 2: Lower heat and stir until softball stage. "'Softball stage' must mean when it becomes a giant ball, no?" I continued stirring. I walk over to my laptop to gchat with Chris and brag about my success, albeit small and preliminary.

I walk back over to the stove. "Uh oh, a snag!" The fudge was boiling over my apparently too small pot. I lower the heat until it goes back down and unman the fudge briefly to figure out exactly what was meant by "softball stage." As I'm sitting at my desk, I see the fudge creeping back up again, this time it overflows all over the stove. I turn the heat off. I turn it back on. "Shit," I say out loud. Apparently 'softball stage' is precisely 235 degrees - something that I can't possibly gauge without a candy thermometer.

I go back over to the stove, which is now covered in chocolate, and spend about 5-7 minutes heating the "fudge," stirring until it overflows, and then turning the heat off. Determing that I must've either hit or surpassed "softball stage," I decide to skip ahead to step 3.

Step 3: pour into an 8x8 pan and cool at room temperature for an hour. This step I can handle.

Step 4: refrigerate another hour. Done.

I go back over to email Chris. I explain what happened and express some doubts over it actually solidifying. He replies that I've only done about 1/3 of the recipe since I never hit the "softball stage." He copies in Ev, who explains that the way I made the fudge, it's never going to solidify. Apparently if you take it off the stove too soon it becomes more like chocolate syrup rather than fudge; too long and you'll have inedible rock hard fudge. "Softball stage" takes at least 30 minutes to reach. Also, Ev warned, you have to make sure every granular of sugar is melted or you'll have crystallized sugar in your fudge - apparently this is a lot worse than it sounds. He also explained that a big pot is essential as it often boils over and if it's not boiling over, it's burning the bottom. [sigh]

The good news is that the apartment smells great! It's like walking into Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. The bad news is that the fudge never solidified to any degree. Never having been one to get deterred, I even waited at least 5 days even though the recipe said it'd be ready an hour after it went in the fridge. I went out and bought a candy thermometer in anticipation of round two - which I haven't the energy or the patience to take on at the moment, but will happen at some point in the future.

The moral of the story? The recipe, which touted itself "fun and easy," was neither "fun" nor "easy."

Stay tuned for Round 2....